The Resilience Promoter Plan – 7 Simple Steps to Build Greater Resilience

Visualise what your success looks like.
Resilient people develop a clear vision of what success will look like, feel like and sound like for them. They have a set of clear and unambiguous goals that they reflect on regularly and measure the progress they have made towards achieving them. Resilient people set realistic goals and don’t waste time feeling frustrated about not achieving what others have.

Boosting your self-esteem.
Some people seem to power through life with confidence and high self-esteem, never troubled by challenges and setbacks. Others, perhaps many of us, need to build our self-esteem which includes understanding where our challenges come from and sometimes letting go of the past so that it doesn’t infect our present or future success. Consider the following suggestions that might boost your self-esteem:

• Positive Affirmations: Using affirmations like “I am capable” or “I deserve success” can shift negative self-talk into more supportive, empowering thoughts. Research shows that regularly repeating affirmations can reshape how you view yourself.
• Gratitude Journaling: Writing down things you are grateful for helps you focus on the positive aspects of your life, reinforcing a sense of worth and accomplishment.
• Set Small, Achievable Goals: Accomplishing small goals gives a sense of progress and reinforces feelings of competence. This step-by-step success builds self-esteem and confidence over time.
• Self-Care: Prioritising physical and mental health through proper sleep, nutrition, and relaxation practices reinforces self-worth by showing yourself that you deserve care and attention.
• Practice Self-Compassion: Treating yourself with kindness, especially after mistakes, reduces negative self-judgment. Learning to forgive yourself can promote higher self-esteem too.
• Surround Yourself with Supportive People: Building a positive social circle that reinforces your strengths and helps you feel valued can significantly improve how you feel about yourself.
• Physical Activity: Exercise, even at moderate levels, boosts endorphins, improves mood, and fosters a sense of accomplishment.

Challenge Your Unhelpful Beliefs and Life Limiting Scripts
Resilient people may have been through numerous life challenges, but they still believe that they can make a difference and be successful. Is it time to challenge and reframe the self-beliefs that are negatively impacting your self esteem and ability to explore new opportunities, take  measured risks and lead a full and meaningful life? Reflect on the following drag anchors that stop you moving forward and consider which ones you need to let go of:

It always happens to me. But does it? Can you reframe the negative experiences you have had and explore the positive tools you have used to overcome setbacks and disappointments in the past. Try using a journal and make a note of 3 positive things that have happened to you every day – no matter how small they are. It’s all a matter of perspective. For those truly awful days, recognise what was difficult but use reframing techniques to demonstrate a more positive outlook, i.e. “Thank goodness today is over, I know tomorrow will be better.”

I am the victim of my childhood. Of course, your past has an impact on how you feel about yourself, but you don’t have to drag it into your future by not working on self-improvement now. You do not have to carry the life limiting scripts that others had for you. Every day is a new opportunity to furrow your own path.

Life isn’t fair. And for most of us in the western world, we are lucky it isn’t. Try not to measure upwards, against your friends and associates who have a better car, a better house and a better job than you. Volunteer for a charitable cause that you are interested in to help you to keep things in perspective and keep a gratitude log of all the things you might feel grateful for, no matter how small (i.e. the person that smiled at you in the shop, the banter you had with a friend as well as your home, your health, your eyesight and hearing, etc)

I’m alone in this. It’s easy to believe that you are the only person suffering and that you have to face the trials of life alone. However, consider if there is a friend, a mentor or a relative that you trust whom you can discuss your challenges with. The old saying, a problem shared is a problem halved rings true in so many circumstances.

You only get one chance and I blew it. This is rarely the case – we all face adversity and failure at some stage in our lives. Think of Edison’s “I haven’t failed, I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work” in the development of his lightbulb. Edison was known for being open about his failures, and he considered them to be part of the process. Whilst you may have failed to get the job, pass the exam, succeed in that relationship, how can you use that failure to learn you’re your mistakes? These are all opportunities for self-learning and improvement that may lead to a different kind of success.

Manage Your Stress Levels
Sources of stress are unique to you – recognising what generates stress in the first instance and then coming up with contingency plans for dealing with them is critical. Psychologists see stress as an energising force – up to a point. Go beyond your tipping point and that’s when your equilibrium is threatened. Stress can be dealt with in 2 key ways: using distraction techniques
(going for a walk, slowing down your breathing, removing yourself from the cause of stress) or by using resolution techniques: having an open conversation with the person generating your stress, possibly using a mediator or counsellor; recognising the attitudes and behaviours that you are displaying that may well be generating your stress, such as perfectionism and impatience. Ask yourself, ‘How important will this be in 6 months’ time?’ to put the things that are generating your current stress into perspective.

Focus on Your Dreams, not your Memories or Your Nightmares.
What are your past scripts, painful disappointments or experiences that you continue to re-play in your head or verbally in describing your life or situation to others?  What will you do to get rid of them or change them? Can you find anything positive that you’ve learnt through them? What are your unfulfilled dreams that you can still turn into a reality?   What are the current skills that you have that can help you to achieve your dream? What skills/attributes do you need to develop to achieve your dream or your ambitions at work or in your personal life? What will you sacrifice/give up to achieve what you really want to achieve? Who can help you? Write down your answers or use a visualization board to start to turn one of your realistic dreams into a reality. Do something every day to make steps towards achieving it.

Address Conflict
Conflict happens when our personal views differ from those of others. You are already adept at dealing with potential conflict every day. Handling conflict well is critical to building resilience. Not being threatened by the differing opinions of others enables you to build your curiosity, knowledge and social skills and share your own ideas, without needing others to always validate them. Knowing that we can ‘agree to disagree’ and still be amicable is a skill for life. Practising honest, constructive conversation, actively listening and recognising which ideas and decisions are crucial to the success of your life, projects and relationships and which ones you can be adaptable on will help you to become a more agile individual, who is not only respected by others, but also a more fully rounded and knowledgeable individual.

Be Yourself
Increase your self-awareness: what are your values? What are the principles, beliefs and morals that you hold dear? Do not compromise on who you are. Strengthen your learning muscles by being open to new experiences but recognise the power of standing up for who you are, what you know to be right and encourage others to do the same.